


who do you think you are i'm not the fucken problem here you're the fucken problem

by tourn_esol



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dinner Party, Domestic, Established Relationship, Humor, Jealousy, M/M, and adults, i love hendery, mark is a jealous baby, theyre married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23021983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tourn_esol/pseuds/tourn_esol
Summary: The side conversations died down when everyone got their food and started to eat.“So Hendery, how’s your new lifestyle going?” Mark could already tell it was gonna be a shitshow.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 16
Kudos: 153





	who do you think you are i'm not the fucken problem here you're the fucken problem

**Author's Note:**

> a double whammy heheh
> 
> i've had this saved in my drive as gay dinner party for almost 2 years now
> 
> this is based on that one episode of black mirror "the entire history of you" bc i love how awkward and uncomfy all the characters are and the dialogue is so good i eat that shit up. also this hasn't been beta'd and i have a polisci midterm tomorrow at 8:30 am so gtg

_‘God, I want to choke myself out.’_

Mark’s head was reeling, he hadn’t had such a busy work day since he first joined the company. He had no idea why, on a random Friday in the middle of summer, business had started to pick up and he wouldn’t be able to leave his cubicle for as much as a piss because he still had over one-hundred e-mails to go through.

That, and Donghyuck breathing down his neck about this all-important dinner party they were attending.

Donghyuck was popular in high school and college, Mark wasn’t. It was nice that he was still close with his group of friends, but when he approached him with a dinner party invite from one of his friends named Johnny, he cringed. Not only would he have to look professional and sip wine with elitists who probably made more money than him, but he had to socialize with people he barely knew.

He drove leisurely down the road, not speeding as he didn’t feel it too imperative to arrive so quickly, and he wasn’t really in the right state of mind to keep control of a car going that fast anyway. He looked at the time.

_9:42_

Twelve minutes after everyone was supposed to be there, but he already informed Donghyuck that he’d have to work overtime and being late was inevitable. He encouraged his husband to leave and go on without him. After all, _he_ was the one everyone was gonna be waiting for. No waiting up for Mark Lee.

He turned off his headlights as his tires hobbled over the cobblestone lining the road to Johnny’s house. It was so suburban and upper-middle class he could vomit, and really felt like it, honestly. He reached into the compartment in his car to his right and pulled out a few supplies to spruce up in the mirror.

His hair was disheveled, black strands that looked more like divorced ends than split ends because he so carelessly skipped washing his hair multiple times that week; his eyes were purple and baggy from not getting much sleep the night before, and having to suffer through what seemed like the most tumultuous twelve-and-a-half-hour workday ever didn’t help; his skin, that Donghyuck would always fawn over for its spotless, milky complexion, was losing its vibrancy and he spotted a few pimples. He sighed, combing his hair, and putting on concealer to hide how severely the day taxed him. He definitely would've done a line of coke if he had some.

It was about time to go in. He dragged himself up the walkway and rang the doorbell, his heart speeding up a bit and summoning a smile when Johnny’s husband answered the door.

“Hey! Mark!” His mirth probably wasn’t fake or forced, knowing Ten, but it still felt like it. He took his suit jacket and hung it on the coat hanger. “God, I was starting to think you weren’t gonna show!” Mark chuckled, thinking about how much he actually didn’t want to.

“Ah, you know how Hyuck is.” He smiled, before realizing it sounded a bit rude. “Plus, I wanted to see how everyone was doing.” He hoped it didn’t come off as insensitive. They continued their little conversation as they walked down the hall.

The interior of their house was disgustingly clean and vivacious. The walls were a muted but tasteful yellow, complementing the light brown hardwood floors. The winding hallway opened up into a white-and-blue checker-floored open kitchen, and a living room beyond that, but a bit out of sight. He exchanged a little hello with Johnny, who was doing his best to keep up with whatever was cooking. It was clear he wasn’t the one in charge of the food.

“Can I get you a drink?” Ten didn’t wait for an answer and immediately began pouring a glass of wine.

He wasn’t sure this would help his head, but hey.

“Thanks,” He cheered, taking a sip.

Oh yeah, the good stuff. He considered downing it and pouring out another one.

He walked to the living room where, he assumed, his loving husband was waiting. His eyebrows crossed and his face faltered when he saw Donghyuck and a taller man talking. He was laughing and smiling, one of those delightful smiles that he’d come to associate with his favorite flower or his favorite food, but instead he was having what seemed to be a particularly enthralling conversation with this man. And mutually, the man was looking at Donghyuck like he was just a gem, or the personification of sunshine, which he _is_ , but he was gonna need him to not shine so bright right now. Did Donghyuck just put his hand on his thigh?

“Everyone, our last guest has arrived!” Ten announced. Part of him winced, wanting to snoop on the duo a bit longer to really see what was going on, the other part of him was ecstatic to see Donghyuck’s hand fly from the random man’s thigh. Donghyuck turned and his own cheerful smile turned into more of a _‘hello-it’s-my-husband!’_ kind of complacent smile. He walked over, giving him a little kiss.

“How was work, honey?” Donghyuck looked up at him, shining, brimming with youth and joy.

“Uh, not the best.” They went over to the couch to sit. This was usually the part where Donghyuck would suck his dick because his professional work clothes kind of turned him on, and he always used the “well, I can help” excuse, but of course, it wasn’t like that today. _Nothing_ was going the way he wanted today. It really just kept getting worse and worse.

“Aw, I’m sorry to hear that.”

_'Oh, was that my husband speaking? Could’ve mistaken him for the cashier at WholeFoods.'_

“Tell us about it, what happened?” Kun, appearing out of nowhere, took a seat at the chair near him. Mark stifled a sigh, clearly they ran out of topics to talk about. Maybe he could switch the topic to whatever was on TV, but when he looked, it was talking about a recent development in a serial killing case, so that wasn’t a great plan. He shouldn’t have said that he had a bad day.

“Uh, I don’t know. Just like, lots of e-mails from yesterday that I left unread and work to do, haha. Was kinda careless on my part.”

“Well, you at least got caught up, right?”

“Yea.” The answer was no. Ten peeked in from the kitchen.

“Nice! Now you can enjoy my tasty, yummy, gooey, scrumptious—”

“Don’t be fooled, it’s not that good.” Johnny shouted from the kitchen.

“Shut up,” He barked. “My apple pie.” He grinned, heading back into the kitchen. Everyone here was so domestic, it kind of hurt. And of course he and Donghyuck were also domestic in a way, being married and all, both holding down stable jobs, but there was still something spontaneous and turbulent about their young love that separated them from Donghyuck’s older friends. Even if they are technically adults, it can still feel like they’re just children.

Donghyuck and Kun began a conversation about something or other, and he looked over to see the guy that was flirting with his husband staring at them, almost in a trance. He quickly looked away in embarrassment, his face slightly becoming pink. Mark smirked.

 _‘He was so talkative just a bit ago. I wonder what happened?’_ He found great pride in having Donghyuck in his arms, leaning into him, his head nestled in the crook of his neck. It must be driving that guy mad now. Sucks to suck.

“Food’s ready!” Johnny smiled, motioning everyone to file into the dining room. Before they got there, he pulled Donghyuck aside.

“Baby.” He took him gently by his arm, a serious look on his face.

“Huh? What’s wrong, hon?” Mark cleared his throat, averting his eyes, realizing how juvenile this whole thing was.

“Who was that guy you were talking to?” Donghyuck cocked his head to the side.

“Who?”

“You know who, Donghyuck,” He whispered, stammering a bit, a little more force behind his words. Donghyuck’s eyes widened, then shrunk back in quiet laughter. Mark softly punched him in the ribs. “Hey, don’t laugh.”

“Oh God, you mean Yukhei? You can’t _possibly_ be jealous, can you?” He didn’t receive an answer, the elder just huffed, cheeks heating up as he stalked into the dining room with a slightly amused Donghyuck shuffling in behind him.

Already waiting there was Hendery, for some reason. He was staring straight ahead and looked like he had been sitting there for more than a few minutes. Mark always found him the most _interesting_ of all of Donghyuck’s friends. He heard stories of Hendery getting arrested for being a serial kitten kidnapper and keeping them in his house, the time he went missing on his trip to Italy, and, of course, the time he went bald for a Halloween costume (Gru) and stayed that way for a year. 

The room was quite nice, the wallpaper a bit more vanilla than yellow. The table was grand, mahogany. Johnny sat at the end, Kun sitting at the other end. On one side of the table was Ten, closest to Johnny, and Donghyuck and Mark. On the other side were Hendery and Yukhei. All the food was placed and laid out perfectly.

“This looks _delicious,_ Ten.” Hendery remarked, staring at the steaks in awe.

“Thank you, thank you. Dig in, everyone!” He announced. Everyone reached for the several dishes before them, saliva already dripping from Hendery’s mouth as if he were a cartoon. Yukhei sat right across from Donghyuck and Mark didn’t like it. No, he didn’t like it at all. One time they reached for the salad at the same time, smiled at each other, and Yukhei let Donghyuck get a scoop first. His eyes would’ve rolled all the way to the back of his head if he wasn’t a respectable adult.

The side conversations died down when everyone got their food and started to eat. 

“So Hendery, how’s your new _lifestyle_ going?” Mark could already tell it was gonna be a shitshow. 

“Uh, I’m loving it. You know, those first few days when I got rid of my phone really opened me up and kind of led me down this path of like, not having such attachments to material things.” He’d heard about this, Hendery’s reinvention. After having his identity stolen, he kind of had a bit of a breakdown and vowed to take a new lease on life. Johnny and Ten apparently had to send him a letter in the mail to let him know about the dinner party.

“What, like, so you just don’t text or call anymore? How do you communicate?” Yukhei’s voice prompted Mark to look up both because it’s the most he’s heard him speak so far and also the question sounded so idiotic he wanted to observe what was going to happen.

“Well I’ve started writing letters which has been quite enjoyable for me. I love going out and buying special paper and things, and I’ve started practicing calligraphy too.”

“What is this, the 1800s?” Yukhei quipped. Donghyuck erupted into a stream of laughter that lasted for far too long and seemed to only be extremely odd to Mark, staring at the man next to him as if he were a stranger.

_'It...It wasn't funny at all.'_

Hendery frowned.

"Kidding, sorry."

“There’s actually quite a handsome man in my neighborhood who has been teaching me calligraphy, so I believe a higher power has made that moment in my life happen so that I may find the one for me. Everything has led me to this, I think.”

“Ah, that’s beautiful.” Kun said.

“But aren’t you an atheist?” Yukhei, again, felt he needed to say something.

“I’ve actually started investing some time into a new religion…”

“What would that be?”

“Are you familiar with Finnish folklore?” Hendery and Yukhei got tangled in their own side conversation before Ten turned to Donghyuck.

“And how’s little Soomi doing?” He turned to the two, Donghyuck cleared his throat.

“Soomi’s wonderful. We have a babysitter at the house and just the other day she said her first word!” Both Ten and Kun gasped and reeled back in their seats. “Didn’t I tell you guys about it?”

“No! Oh my, how exciting!” Kun remarked. “What did she say?”

“She said, ‘sweet’” Donghyuck smiled, loving that he's able to brag about his daughter; he and Mark were the only couple with a child.

“Ah, so beautiful. I feel so old! I need to settle down with a husband already…”

“Kun, I’ve been _telling_ you to get on those dating websites!” Ten patronized from the other side of the table. He sighed.

“Dating websites...they just feel so disingenuous.”

“ _We_ are going clubbing together sometime soon.” Johnny looked a little perturbed, but sipped his wine and acted like he heard nothing. “Me and Johnny have been searching for a surrogate for a few weeks now...” Johnny coughed some wine back into the glass. Ten likes to take conversations by the horns and direct them wherever he wants. “I can’t wait to have a little angel to cook for and shop for…” Ten got lost in his own fantasy for a few seconds before Hendery pulled him back down to Earth.

“I’ve heard there’s a new website just for that.” Ten perked up an eyebrow.

“Go on.” He leaned toward Hendery, hand clenching Johnny’s bicep.

“So, Yukhei, how’s your rapping career going?” Mark paused at hearing his husband speak.

 _‘This kid’s a rapper? What, like Soundcloud?’_ A quick search online would prove this, his name being on the rise and all the rage with teenagers who think they’re edgy because he has less than 20,000 monthly listeners on Melon. Finishing swallowing a bite of mashed potatoes and wiping his mouth, he spoke up.

“I actually have a little gig tomorrow night.” 

“Oh, that’s wonderful Xuxi!” He smiled.

 _‘Xuxi?! Who the fuck is Xuxi?’_ It took every cell in his body to not flash Donghyuck _the look_ in front of his friends that were just minding their own business. There was no way, _absolutely_ no way that the others weren't noticing this blatant flirting going on right in front of their eyes. Instead, he shot Yukhei an intimidating look. The eye bags really helped sell it.

“Yes, it is, I’m pretty excited.” He glanced at Donghyuck cheerfully, then he made eye contact with Mark and looked like he had seen a ghost, turning back to his food. Mark smiled.

“Where is it?” He could tell Donghyuck was getting more and more enthralled in the conversation. Johnny flashed Mark a knowing look, silently sighing and returning to his plate.

⸞

“Alright guys, bye Ten! Bye Johnny!” Donghyuck made his way out of the house, accompanied by Mark, leftovers and uneaten desserts in hand. Yukhei made it out as well before the door closed and the classical music grew muffled. The group walked together to their cars, parked close to each other. Then they kind of just stood there.

“Well, have a nice night guys!” Yukhei waved with a cheery expression, maybe somewhat defeated?

“Oh, wait, Yukhei did you get any of the raspberry cheesecake? It was absolutely delightful you _have_ to take some home.” Mark could’ve evaporated at hearing his husband’s voice perk up. It was evident that Donghyuck was planning on dragging out this conversation as long as possible, so as Yukhei sat on the hood of his car like a model, he wrapped an arm around his husband possessively.

“No. Not really big on desserts much.”

“Oh! That’s funny. Both you _and_ Mark don’t like sweets.” He giggled and that made Yukhei smirk a bit, kind of eyeing him up and down like a piece of meat. Mark’s face remained rigid, wondering what was so funny.

“It’s a nice night out, you guys got any plans after this?” Yukhei had the audacity, the _audacity_ to even _insinuate_ some kind of afterparty or late-night excursion and Mark was about to leap out of his skin in anger.

“Uh,” Donghyuck glanced up at Mark. Mark finally unleashed _the look_. Donghyuck turned away, polite smile on his face as he resigned himself. “N-No, we need to head home and make sure Soomi and the babysitter are alright…” He spoke wistfully, as if a pout was going to get Mark to allow him to go out with a boy he barely knew.

“Ah, that sucks, I thought it would be cool to show you—” He paused. “ _guys,_ you guys, around my new apartment.” Mark looked around as if asking _‘Did anyone else hear that? Did anyone else hear him slip up?’_ He absolutely couldn’t believe how obvious he was making it. This guy has balls. Big ones.

“I’d _love_ that!” And Donghyuck got excited all of a sudden.

“Yeah, I managed to snag an antique coffee table imported from Milan. The bathroom has a bidet, and I actually got a puppy recently.” Donghyuck gasped.

“A puppy!” He looked up at Mark and was met with a stone-cold face that only related the emotion of indifference.

“Nuh uh.”

“You’ve never tried a bidet!”

“Nuh uh.”

“...Coffee table?” Silence.

“Maybe another time?” He turned back to the beast of a man laying on the hood of his car, an apologetic smile crossing over his face. Yukhei nodded.

“Alright, see you guys.” He got into his car and pulled out of the driveway before leaving. Donghyuck went to get in the car.

“Hey what the _fuck_ was that, huh?” He grabbed him by the wrist, careful not to use too much force. 

“Mark I really don’t want to—”

“Really? Don’t wanna fucking talk about the fact that you’re borderline cheating on me? Huh?”

“Mark.” His voice dropped to a serious tone for the first time that night. Mark was taken aback a little. _He_ should be the alpha in this situation, confronting him about something that he’s absolutely enraged about, but Donghyuck says his name and he’s on his knees. “I…” He looked away, faltered, sighing and staring at his reflection in the car window.

“What?”

"We're friends."

"Yes, and I believe that because I am an idiot." He scoffed, almost pinning Donghyuck between him and the car door, but the younger was not backing down.

"Nothing's happened between us and nothing will, okay baby?" Donghyuck placed his hand on Mark's bicep and then snaked it over to his left tiddie, beginning to caress it slowly to calm him down.

"Hyuckie, no, you can't do this to me right now. I want a real answer." And a real answer he did not get, Donghyuck reached up and kissed him. Mark let himself enjoy it for a few seconds then backed off. "Donghyuck."

"We just...I _just_ had a little thing for him in high school and now he's paying attention to me and I kinda...like it, okay? Is that what you wanted?" Mark grumbled, slightly unsatisfied but grateful that he got a direct answer. He furrowed his eyebrows, brain beginning to shut down and craving sleep. He sighed, turning back to his husband.

"Promise me you won't talk to him anymore."

"Mark, that's toxic." He sighed again, even more audibly.

"Fine. Promise me you won't _hang out_ with him...for a while." He extended his pinky.

"Fine." Donghyuck took his pinky in his and shook it. "Now let's put you to bed, sleepyhead."


End file.
